She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize