U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
