also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
