Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
