I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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