Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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