I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
