Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
