we're chasing vodka with high fives
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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