hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
