I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
