fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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