the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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