i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize