shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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