Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
