i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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