Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
