Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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