I am puke
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize