just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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