i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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