I bet he comes in French.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
