Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
