My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
