Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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