it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
