just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
ugly people sure do ruin things
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
