I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Panties = found
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
