did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
