i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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