I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
