i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
