Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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