so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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