my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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