i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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