I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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