I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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