If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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