She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
