dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
