My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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