this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Mom said you looked used
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
