put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize