We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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