can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
