Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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