i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
