i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
