a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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