so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
