I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
