I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
