I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
