How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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