i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
