i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
