If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize