you would pick up someone in the library
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We are all done wearing pants today
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
