This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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