the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
