So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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