First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize