I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
