my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Less talking, more tequila
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
