i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
