At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Let's get the cat blown out
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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