i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
