Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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