i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize