Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
