Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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