I'm so fucking centered right now
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
