Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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