I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
