my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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