i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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