So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
