i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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