so that wasnt chicken after all
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
