you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
