We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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