you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
