I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
