Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize