So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
