i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
