the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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