he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
jump out the window naked night went bad
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
