That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
