just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
