Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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