i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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