The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
