Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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