dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
