I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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