Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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