I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
