look no pants
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
