So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
