I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
