is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Randomize
