Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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