whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You made out with two different species that night
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
