I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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