Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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