why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
