i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize