Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
