hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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