Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I wish there were birth control emojis
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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