Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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