You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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