You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
