Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
