dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
